Ilinx
by Sapphire Smoke
Summary: After they spend the night together, Petra becomes paranoid that that was all it was to J.R; one night. As it turns out though, it can be quite enjoyable making the same mistake over and over again. •Petra/J.R.•


**Title:** Ilinx  
 **Author:** Sapphire Smoke  
 **Beta:** BellaRei713  
 **Fandom:** Jane The Virgin  
 **Rating:** M  
 **Pairing(s):** Petra/J.R.  
 **Timeline:** Directly after 4x12  
 **Summary:** After they spend the night together, Petra becomes paranoid that that was all it was to J.R; one night. As it turns out though, it can be quite enjoyable making the same mistake over and over again.  
 **A/N:** According to some obscure words lists which I always enjoy taking fic titles from, Ilinx is French for "the strange excitement of wanton destruction." Basically, the thrill of doing something reckless, which I feel on a spiritual level. But anyway, hi, I am gay trash; pls enjoy my garbage contribution to this fandom :)

* * *

Petra Solano didn't get _embarrassed._

When things weren't going her way, she got assertive. She got things done and when she _couldn't_ , she got angry and then she got embarrassed? No, that wasn't an emotion that Petra was familiar with.

Until today.

The _look_ J.R. gave her when that bellboy came in with breakfast was forever seared into the back of her mind, and no matter how many times she tried to concentrate on something else – _anything_ else – in the end it would always circle back around to that damn look. No matter how many times she yelled at her employees and delegated tasks just to remind herself that she was big and important, Petra still felt lost and so very, very small.

It infuriated her. It depressed her.

The door to her office opened. "Miss Solano, your lawyer is on line—" But the announcement was cut off as Petra, even _more_ upset now that her assistant walked in when she had her head in her hands, looking entirely lost, suddenly jerked into a sitting position and slammed her palms on the flat of her desk.

Krishna noticeably jumped, her grip tightening on the edge of the door.

" _Damnit,_ Krishna, I told you to hold all my calls!" Petra exclaimed, until the words her assistant said actually clicked in her head and she did a double take. "Wait, what did you say?" she asked, just making sure she heard the other woman correctly.

"Your lawyer," Krishna repeated carefully, not wanting to poke the bear even more than she already had. "She's on line three. I know you told me to hold all your calls, but I thought you'd want to know."

Petra instantly felt her throat tighten and she sat up straighter in her desk chair, needing to look imposing as she suddenly felt defensive. "Why— why would I want to know that?" she asked, only slightly stumbling over the question. She really hoped Krishna hadn't picked up on… on _whatever_ it was that was currently going on between her and J.R. She had enough on her plate without the judgement of others.

"Because you have murdercharges pending against you…" Krishna responded slowly, looking at her like she couldn't understand why Petra didn't find the reason obvious.

"Yes, well… when I say 'hold all my calls', I mean it!" Petra shot back, hoping she didn't come off as flustered as she felt. A part of her wanted to talk to J.R., but another part of her didn't know what to say, or even how to act. "If it's really that important, she'll tell me in person. Now please just—just get out; I'm very busy!"

Krishna left without question, and for one brief moment Petra wondered why Krishna didn't just leave _her_ without question. She had been trying to be kinder, but at the end of the day, Petra would always be the kind of person who lashed out when she felt vulnerable. It wasn't fair to Krishna, she knew that, but that didn't mean she was about to get up and apologize either. Instead, Petra's head found her hands again and she audibly groaned.

This wasn't who she _was._ She was strong, she was confident, and she had always gotten what she wanted; sexually or otherwise. But this was… this was _different._ And not just because J.R. was a woman; because in all honesty, her sudden descent into this absolute mess of bisexuality didn't actually bother Petra as much as it probably should. She had always viewed sexuality as a spectrum, and had always known that she wasn't firmly wedged into the heterosexual corner. Besides, she wasn't _blind;_ she noticed women's attractiveness all the time, it was just that she had never seriously considered… well, _touching_ one until J.R.

Because she wanted to touch her. She wanted to touch her a _lot,_ but now a part of Petra was afraid that she had screwed it up.

She knew she shouldn't have misled J.R. by telling her that she had been with women before, but she knew what she wanted and she knew that the truth was no way to go about getting it. Maybe that was shitty, but Petra didn't regret it. Besides, the other woman claimed she already knew, which then begged the question, why did she sleep with her after specifically telling her that she wasn't interested in being any kind of experiment for a supposedly 'straight' woman?

In the end though, it probably didn't matter. In all honesty, that question paled in comparison to the sheer _humiliation_ Petra experienced when she stupidly assumed that the night they shared meant more than what it did. She should have known J.R. was going to do a "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" on her, and yet she foolishly thought that they could spend the day in bed together; get to know one another, intimately and otherwise. She even had _champagne_ brought up, for fuck's sake. It was for mimosas, but still. It just… the whole thing just didn't look good.

And the look that J.R. gave her confirmed it. It was almost… pitying, in a way; or maybe that was just how Petra's panic-ridden mindset had interpreted it at the time. Even if it wasn't pity though, it certainly wasn't anything positive. Maybe J.R. had just realized that she had made a mistake in sleeping with her, as the intimate breakfast for two getting delivered to their room didn't exactly scream 'casual sex', which it _must_ have been for the other woman, otherwise why would she leave so quickly?

Petra thought she was finally getting somewhere, only to have everything come to a screeching halt so quickly after it had begun. She felt foolish and she hated it. What was more was that Petra didn't even understand _why_ she even cared so much; she had had plenty of one night stands in the past, and it wasn't like she even knew J.R. that well. Casual sex would have made so much more sense, and yet Petra didn't even consider that that was what it really was, and she didn't understand why.

Why couldn't she just have taken what she wanted from J.R. and then left? Why did she have to go and get attached to a woman she barely even knew?

As far as first lesbian experiences went, the whole thing could have gone… better. And so Petra sat, she obsessed, she pretended to get some work done, and then she obsessed some more because in that moment, her brain wouldn't allow her to think about anything other than the relationship she realized she so desperately wanted to pursue, but would never truly have.

[x]

Petra began to feel suffocated barricaded in her office and so she left for a late lunch, just trying to get some air and clear her head; and maybe, for _once_ today, think about something other than J.R. She debated calling Jane ( _Jane_ Jane, not… you know), as the woman almost certainly had something going on in her life that she would love to ramble about in order to provide Petra with an adequate distraction, but Jane just… she _knew_ her, and she would instantly know something was going on. Besides, Jane still believed she had a crush on someone, and she didn't want the woman badgering her about it; especially after what had happened.

Her head in her phone as she walked through the parking garage, Petra scrolled through her messages, wondering against her better judgement why J.R. hadn't texted after she had rejected her call to her office. Then again, a part of her wondered why she hadn't just called her directly in the first place; she had her personal number, after all.

Maybe _that_ was the real indicator that she had definitely messed up with her breakfast assumption. Maybe J.R. was trying to reestablish professional boundaries and that, above everything else, hurt more than Petra wished it did.

"You never returned my call."

"Ježíš marjá!" Petra instinctively exclaimed in Czech, the unexpected voice having startled her as she looked up from her phone, coming face to face with the one woman she had been thinking about all day. J.R. was leaning against Petra's car, her arms casually folded across her chest with this look on her face like she just _knew_ why the blonde hadn't picked up the phone.

"God, J.R., you—you startled me," Petra struggled to get out, suddenly feeling like a fish out of water. So, as she usually did when she felt uncomfortable, Petra instantly got defensive. "Why are you _lurking_ around my car?"

"Jane."

Petra blinked, thinking for one brief moment that J.R. was talking about the _other_ Jane. "—What?"

"My actual name," J.R. reminded her for the umpteenth time. Her brow quirked as she shifted her position and pushed herself off from the car, moving a little bit too close for Petra's liking. Or maybe not close _enough_ for Petra's liking. She wasn't sure anymore. "I think now that we've slept with one another, we can call each another by our _actual_ names, don't you?"

Petra stayed decidedly silent on the matter. It wasn't just the weirdness of having two Jane's in her life anymore; it was the fact that if Petra started calling J.R. "Jane" then it would indicate a sense of closeness that they obviously were never going to have. So instead she asked rather directly, "Why are you here?"

She knew she was acting distant, but she didn't know what to do anymore, and this seemed like the best way to protect herself from getting hurt. If J.R. wanted to keep their relationship professional, then that's what she was going to do.

It just didn't help when J.R. _looked_ at her the way she did; like she knew exactly what she was trying to do at all times. It made Petra feel naked, and she hated feeling stripped of all her defenses. Because of that though, Petra was infinitely grateful that J.R. didn't call her on the obvious avoidance she had been doing. Instead the brunette's expression immediately got serious, lines of worry beginning to form between her eyebrows.

"Can we talk?" she asked, her tone low so to not be overheard. "Somewhere private?"

"I… yeah, of course," Petra responded, a little taken aback by the other woman's attitude. Something must be seriously wrong, and so in an instant all of her insecurities and worry went out the window as she focused on the more important issue at the moment. No matter what else was going on, the bottom line was that Petra still _cared._ She cared very much.

"Come upstairs; I was going to go out for lunch, but I can have something sent up from the kitchens," Petra offered, taking J.R.'s hand in hers. The other woman's brow rose a little at the gesture and suddenly Petra was reminded of the awkward way they had left things between them that morning, and so she stumbled a bit over her explanation of, "…In case they're still watching."

"Right…" J.R. responded slowly, and Petra had to look away so she didn't see what kind of expression the woman was wearing. It could have easily been a bemused fondness, but she feared it was more likely that it was more of a disbelieving exasperation. So instead Petra kept her eyes forwards and only heard J.R. agree softly that, "We should keep up appearances out in the open, especially after what just happened."

It was the way that J.R. said that that made Petra finally glanced over at the other woman, and the look of deep concern in her eyes made Petra's heart clench in her chest. Whatever happened, it certainly wasn't good.

They kept their grip on one another long after they had exited the parking garage. In all honesty, Petra hadn't even realized; it had just felt natural to her, and maybe J.R. was simply lost in thought over whatever terrible was happening, which was why she hadn't pulled her hand away either. However when they got off the elevator, they almost ran smack into The Original Jane™, which made the hand-holding a whole lot more damning than it seemed five seconds previously.

"Oh!" the shorter woman had exclaimed, nearly dropping her papers while Petra swore in Czech and J.R. quickly and politely apologized. It was then that Petra saw Jane look up, nearly doing a double take at the two women's hands being clasped together. Petra dropped J.R.'s hand as though she had been burned, taking one large step away from her, as if somehow that would negate what Jane had just seen.

"Uhh… _hi,"_ Jane greeted, more specifically to J.R., which didn't exactly fill Petra with delight. She was smiling _far_ too wide. "You're… Petra's lawyer, right? The other Jane?"

J.R. smiled, a little amused by the classification. "Right, although I think it was me who called _you_ 'the other Jane'." Jane laughed a little at that, and Petra felt like she was choking on her own tongue.

"Nice to see you again; especially under better circumstances," Jane responded, earning a small smile from J.R and honestly, Petra would have preferred being locked in a jail cell again over this. She was going to _know._ And it was then that Jane turned her gaze to Petra, this little look on her face that she just _got it_ and was going to enjoy lightly teasing her as she asked far too casually for it to actually _be_ casual, "Are you two coming back from a lunch date?"

Petra nearly choked, which just made Jane look amused. "What? No, it's just—we have a business meeting, and I thought I'd be polite and meet her downstairs before coming up here," she quickly defended before Petra realized it was ridiculous that she even had to explain _anything_ and she asked much more defensively, "Why are you even up here?"

"I actually came to talk to you, but Krishna said you had gone to lunch," Jane responded, her eyebrow arching as she caught Petra in a lie.

People have been doing that far too much lately. Especially people whose names are 'Jane'.

"Well Krishna's incompetent; I'm obviously not out to lunch," Petra practically snapped, feeling as though she was utterly transparent. "And whatever it is, I don't have time for it right now; this is—it's time sensitive, so if you'll excuse us."

Petra pushed past Jane, knowing full-well that she was being incredibly rude. Her anxiety levels were spiking though and it seemed Jane just seemed amused by her brush off, which was good since that meant that whatever she had to talk to her about wasn't _that_ important. She dreaded seeing her later though, and as she heard Jane and J.R. exchange polite goodbyes, Petra could tell just by Jane's tone that she was going to be bombarded with questions and assumptions the next time that they saw one another that were, unfortunately, extremely _true._

Unfortunate, of course, because it'd just be easier if it wasn't. All of this would have just been so much _easier._

"Krishna, I've changed my mind; I'll be having lunch in my office with J.R. Call the kitchen and have them bring up two of today's special, and be sure to _knock_ before you come in with it. You've been getting far too comfortable just opening my door whenever you want to," Petra told her assistant as she stormed past her, barely even making eye contact. She didn't want Krishna to see how uncomfortable she was right now though, but she wanted to make sure that no one was going to surprise her and J.R. again; Jane and the hand-holding incident was bad enough.

Not that she thought that they were going to… well, you know. But still. It was the principle of the matter! People should just _knock._

"I ate already actually," J.R. told her as she walked past Petra and into the woman's office, who was holding the door open for her.

"Fine, then just one," Petra responded shortly, looking directly at Krishna, who was frantically crossing something off her notepad. The door was closed heavily then, leaving the two women alone in Petra's office. They stared at one another, and the brunette's gaze seemed to pierce straight into her.

It was Petra who broke the silence, awkwardly clearing her throat. She had gotten a little short of breath there. "So," she started. "You… said you wanted to talk to me about something?"

"Right, sorry, I…" J.R. responded, looking a little dazed, which surprised Petra. What had she been thinking about then, if it wasn't about whatever terrible thing had happened now? It couldn't have something to do with _her,_ could it? Because she had run out earlier; Petra assumed that was a clear enough message on where they stood, but now she wasn't so sure. The way J.R. looked at her was almost…

No, she didn't want to put a word to it, in fear of being wrong. If she started assuming, she would start hoping, and then she'd crash worse than if she just kept her feet firmly planted on the ground.

"When I went to visit my mother this morning, I found _this_ pinned to her sweater," J.R. told Petra once she had returned to the problem at hand, withdrawing a small note from her pantsuit pocket. Petra's brow furrowed as she reached out, taking it from the other woman's hands before unfolding it and scanning its contents.

 _You have six days to get a confession, or we take mommy with us next time._

"Wait, _what?"_ Petra exclaimed, instantly concerned as she met J.R.'s distressed look with one of her own. "Didn't they already tell you that you had a week just yesterday to get a 'pillow talk' confession from me; why did they have to bring your _mother_ into this? It's only been one damn day!"

"I don't know; maybe they knew I spent the night last night and were angry that I didn't call them right after with an update," J.R. theorized with a small, defeated sigh as she half-sat, half-leaned against Petra's desk. "They probably don't think I'm taking this seriously, or maybe they think I'm just getting caught up in you."

Petra had the urge to ask, 'Are you?' She restrained it though, knowing this wasn't the time.

"I'm sorry," Petra apologized, knowing this was entirely her fault. Her brow creasing, she reached out and covered J.R.'s hand with her own in a gesture of comfort. J.R. pursed her lips, looking down at their hands atop the desk. She did not move them. "I can have your mother moved, if you want," Petra offered softly. "Somewhere with higher security; somewhere they wouldn't be able to find her."

J.R. moved her hand then, slipping it gently out from underneath Petra's before running it through her hair and looking out the far window. Petra instantly missed the contact. "No," she said. "It's too risky. Whoever's blackmailing you… they know too much; about you, about your finances. And if they somehow found out that _you_ were the one who had my mother moved, they'll know I'm working with you. It'll make things so much worse for both of us."

"Then what do you want to do?" Petra asked softly, crossing the space between them to better meet J.R.'s gaze. She wanted her to know that she was taking this seriously; that even though she had gone on and on about how J.R. 'owed' her for at first plotting against her, that she trusted her now, and she also felt a sense of responsibility for the current whirlwind of fuckery that was happening in their lives.

J.R. looked up at her, and the vulnerability that shone behind her eyes made the pit of Petra's stomach tighten. She just wanted to fix it; she wanted to fix everything for her, and _that_ being her first instinct scared her a little bit. "I don't know," J.R. admitted, although she seemed loathed to admit that she hadn't yet thought of a plan. "But we have six days to figure it out."

They looked at one another for a long time after that. Petra knew that J.R. could see both the guilt and longing written all over her expression, and yet she wasn't sure how to hide it. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to; she _wanted_ J.R. to know that she was serious about wanting to fix this for her, she wanted her to know that she was serious about a lot of things, even if it was probably a stupid thing to admit. Because the way J.R. was looking at her was _different,_ and Petra didn't know how to interpret it. It was intense, yet distant. It was both a push and a pull and Petra didn't know what direction the other woman wanted her to go in, and so she just stayed still.

Finally, it was J.R. who broke the silence. Averting eye contact, she pushed herself off the desk and began with, "Listen…"

"I know," Petra interrupted, not wanting to hear whatever it was the other woman was going to say out loud. Assuming that it wasn't good, Petra moved a step away from her as she shook her head and laughed softly, uncomfortably. "I mean, I—I know. I know what you're going to say. It's fine, really. This was probably a bad idea anyway."

J.R.'s brow rose a little, yet she concurred with, "I agree, it was a _terrible_ idea." Petra's heart sank, her throat feeling tight with emotion. God, she wished she didn't _care_ this much. "…But I guess I've always been into that."

Petra looked up sharply, her brow knitting in confusion. J.R. was smirking softly, as if she was internally shaking her head at herself over her own idiocy. "You're… into that? I mean, me?" Petra asked, sounding awfully confused. "Then why did you leave this morning? And then look at me like…" But she couldn't finish that sentence because she didn't know how to label it. She just knew it wasn't anything good.

"I told you, I had to visit my mother," J.R. told her, looking at Petra in a way that told her she was reading too much into things. "But… I will admit the breakfast threw me. It also reminded me how bad of an idea this is; sex is one thing, Petra, but anything else…"

"I'm not asking for anything else," Petra responded quickly, hoping the urgency with which she said that didn't make her sound desperate. To counteract that, she awkwardly cleared her throat and crossed her arms over her chest. "I mean, I just ordered the breakfast because I always get hungry after a night of sex. The whole… flowers on the cart thing was just standard hotel procedure; I wasn't trying to make it romantic or anything. You're reading too much into it."

The look J.R. shot her was completely disbelieving, and yet Petra stared at her as though she was _daring_ her to contradict her. If she contradicted her then she made it real, and if it was real than it couldn't be ignored in favor of more pleasurable things. If this was a mistake, then why shouldn't it be a mistake that they enjoyed making over and over?

J.R.'s gaze flickered down to her lips, then back up to meet her eyes. She was still giving her this little disbelieving smirk, like she always knew everything that Petra was trying to do beneath the surface, and while it made Petra feel terribly exposed, she also got a little thrill in silently daring her to call her out. A singular brow rose expectantly, and J.R. just chuckled lightly in response, briefly looking away before holding eye contact again.

"This is a stupid thing to do," J.R. reminded her, to which Petra found she didn't much care. She stepped closer to her, almost eliminating the remaining space between them.

"I know."

"It's going to complicate things even further."

Petra's gaze flickered from her eyes down to her lips as she leaned in closer. "I know," she agreed softly, her breath lightly tickling J.R.'s lips. The other woman instinctively wet them, and all Petra could do was stare at her tongue and remember how it felt running all over her body.

"…Because you have feelings for me."

Petra looked up from the other woman's lips then, their bodies nearly pressed together at this point. J.R. was back to leaning against the blonde's desk, having quite literally been backed into it as Petra's frame nestled itself between her legs. The hand that was on the brunette's thigh tightened a little as Petra asked, her voice coming out a little scratchy, "…And you're saying that's only one-sided?"

She could see J.R. swallow heavily, looking a little uncomfortable with answering that question. At first, Petra had been terrified to ask, but now she was glad she had, because whatever the answer was, it wasn't the easy 'yes' that Petra had feared. It looked far more complicated than that, which made Petra a little bolder as she reached up and cupped J.R.'s face in her hand, her thumb lightly dusking over the older woman's bottom lip.

"Jane?" she asked gently, and the use of J.R.'s first name made the woman look a little startled as she caught her gaze. And Petra didn't know if it was her use of the name, of what it meant, or if J.R. was just trying to avoid answering the question, but suddenly the other woman surged upwards, connecting their lips in a fierce kiss.

Petra's eyes fell closed, this small sound of contentment escaping the back of her throat as J.R. possessively grasped her face in her hands. Their positions were easily reversed as J.R. became the aggressor, roughly pushing Petra atop her own desk. The blonde swept her hand across the surface, knocking near everything off of it as she wrapped her legs around J.R.'s slim waist, pulling her closer to her as she exhaled a breathy moan against the other woman's lips.

Petra knew this was just a distraction; she knew J.R. didn't want to answer the question, but it was that avoidance that spurred Petra on, knowing that it meant something good; something good that was really something terrible that would surely end in flames and destruction, but Petra didn't care. All she cared about was how J.R. lifted her leg over her arm as she encouraged Petra to lean her elbows against the surface of her desk. All she cared about was the lips on her neck and the hand going up the short spring dress she had hastily put on this morning, just wanting to be _clothed_ so she could run out her door as fast as she could after the whole breakfast incident. And _God,_ all she cared about was how damp her underwear was now as J.R. pressed her fingertips against the fabric, causing Petra's hands to get lost in the other woman's hair as she roughly tugged on it, needing her to continue.

There was a knock on the door.

"Not _now!"_ Petra practically screamed as she sat up a little, glaring at the door. Her breath shortened almost directly after that though as J.R.'s tongue went in her ear and her hand slipped past the confines of her underwear. "Shit…" she husked, causing J.R. to chuckle softly, her warm breath tickling her neck before Petra gently took the other woman's face in her hands, encouraging her into another deep kiss.

"Sorry, but you said to knock when your food—" Krishna tried, but Petra ripped her lips away from the other woman's in an annoyed growl before she shouted back to her.

"I _said_ 'not—!'" Petra began, before her next word was engulfed by a moan that she immediately had to slap her hand over her mouth to muffle, now glaring at an amused J.R. who had slipped her fingers inside her whilst she was in the middle of her damn sentence.

Krishna was oddly silent. Fuck, she probably heard that then. Krishna was _gay_ too, so her first thought when she heard a moan probably wasn't tainted with heteronormativy and ignorance.

Petra smacked J.R.'s arm for that, and the other woman chuckled softy and breathed in her ear, "Sorry, I really did think you'd be able to keep yourself more composed." Which, alright, seeing as this wasn't the first time she'd had sex in her office, she probably should have been able to. There was just something about _J.R._ though that made Petra feel out of her comfort zone, and it was as though suddenly everything she thought she knew about herself went straight out the window.

Petra grabbed J.R.'s wrist in her hand though, making for damn sure her fingers was stilled inside of her this time as she called back out to Krishna, "Just leave it outside the door; I'll grab it when we're done with our meeting!" Krishna didn't respond though and Petra lightly groaned, certain that her assistant understood _exactly_ what was happening behind her closed doors. "This is your fault," Petra lightly complained, letting go of J.R.'s wrist. The other woman's lip quirked.

"I'd argue that it's that dress your wearing's fault," J.R. breathed against her lips, her fingers starting to slowly move within her. Petra exhaled a shuddered breath as her eyes fell closed, feeling J.R.'s lips brush against her cheek, her jaw, and then back down her neck. The blonde's grip on the edge of the desk tightened.

"…Are you accusing me of trying to give you easy access or something?"

J.R. chuckled softly, her fingers withdrawing just a little so she could push into her harder, deeper. Petra's breath hitched in her throat, her body beginning to flush a light rose. "No, but it certainly is an added bonus."

Petra laughed a little, just something about the way that J.R. spoke to her, _looked_ at her, making her feel lighter than she thinks she's ever felt in her entire life. Grasping the other woman's face in her hands, she kissed her again, allowing the other woman's tongue to slip between her lips. J.R. fucked her slowly this time, which was so much different than the heated, rushed exchange that they had last night. Even though they had sex for most of the evening, it was as though neither of them had the patience to explore; they wanted to touch every part of one another, taste everything that the other woman had to offer, as soon as they possibly could. _This_ time though, J.R. took her time, pulling back from the kiss every so often to watch each and every expression play out across Petra's face.

When Petra opened her eyes they were dilated, her lips parted and breasts heaving with arousal. She met J.R.'s gaze in a way she probably shouldn't have during the beginning of _any_ relationship, and as she gently dusked her thumb over J.R.'s bottom lip she saw the other woman's eyes soften. They didn't say anything, but J.R. twisted her fingers inside of her while still holding her gaze, causing Petra to exhale a breathy gasp as she held onto the brunette tighter. It was intense and it was _real,_ and that definitely made it the huge mistake that both of them feared they were making. They barely knew one another and yet there was this _pull_ that was hard to ignore, hard to even define, and Petra knew in that moment that she was doomed to fall so hard that inevitably, something would end up broken.

"Shit…" she breathed, almost in this resigned sounding tone as her gaze fell away from the other woman. J.R. lightly leaned her forehead against hers though, the lightly smack of them connecting indicating as much defeat as Petra herself felt in that moment.

"I know," J.R. breathed, knowing exactly what Petra meant. And it was those two words that elicited such a deep heat, an powerful _fluttering_ inside of her that Petra gently moved her head upwards, connecting their lips once more in a searing kiss. J.R. returned the kiss in kind, the hand inside of her moving faster now as she pulled gasps and moans from the back of the blonde's throat.

Petra had her answer. Whatever this was between them, she knew now that it wasn't one-sided, and that both terrified and exhilarated her at the same time.

"Fuck," Petra swore as she tore her lips away from J.R.'s to rest her cheek against the other woman's, the feelings inside of her too intense that she had to audibly voice them. Gone was the gentle exploration; the slow burn and tease. Now, J.R. was pounding inside of her with relentless force, causing Petra's breath to catch in the back of her throat and her nipples to harden to near-painful nubs. Grasping onto the side of her head, Petra's fingers grasped onto a bunch of darkened hair as she gasped, " _Fuck,_ J.— Jane…" the form of address switching at very last moment.

J.R. exhaled what sounded almost like a primal growl as she fucked her harder, dusking her lips across Petra's parted ones as she demanded into her mouth, "Say it again. Say my name again…"

" _Jane…"_ Petra groaned, feeling her insides begin to tighten. And even as she said it, she realized it didn't feel weird; it didn't make her think of The Original Jane™ at all. All it did was turn her on further, seeing how _into_ hearing her name falling from Petra's lips J.R. was. "Oh my God," Petra panted softly as her brewing orgasm began to overwhelm her senses. "Oh my _fucking_ God…!"

And then J.R. curled her fingers inside of her, pressing against her g-spot and coaxing one of the most intense orgasms that Petra had ever felt from her body. Seeing as her last exclamation was probably much louder than it should have been, J.R. covered the blonde's mouth with her hand as Petra quaked beneath her, her thighs trembling and eyes watering with the force of her ecstasy.

When it was over, all Petra could do was lean heavily against the other woman and attempt to catch her breath. She felt weightless, despite the heavy weight that had been on her shoulders for some time now. She felt J.R.'s fingers run gently through her hair and when she was ready, Petra sat up a little straighter and looked into the other woman's eyes.

J.R. smiled softly at her, and it felt like it went straight through Petra.

But to her disappointment, J.R. gently cupped her cheek and leaned in to just give her one, soft kiss. "I should go," she admitted softly, although at least sounded unhappy about that. Petra blinked, not really understanding for a minute.

"What? _Now?"_

She hadn't even had a chance to reciprocate yet.

"Your food's getting cold and I'm pretty sure we've traumatized your assistant enough," J.R. explained, chuckling softly. Petra noticeably deflated a little bit though, and J.R. tucked a strand of hair behind the blonde's ear. "I'd like it if you came by later tonight though."

Petra looked up sharply. "You…? Oh, right. Yeah. Of course."

J.R. smirked a little bit at the other woman's obvious surprise over the invitation. "You didn't think I was just going to fuck you and run, did you?"

"Wouldn't be the first time," Petra said without thought before inwardly cringing at her choice of words. "I'm sorry," she apologized, noting the look on J.R.'s face. "That wasn't fair."

"No… it was," J.R. admitted, yet didn't elaborate any further than that. While maybe she really _did_ have to visit her mother, she might not have had to that early. Maybe she _had_ been running before, which the breakfast thing only furthered. Now though, she didn't seem to be running; even though, by all sane reasoning, they both probably should. Whatever this was, Petra was certain it wouldn't end well.

Nothing in her life ever did.

Before J.R. could turn to leave though, Petra reached out and clasped her hand in hers, drawing the other woman's attention. "Hey," she said softly, looking up to meet J.R.'s questioning gaze. "We're going to make sure your mother's safe. I promise."

J.R. smiled softly, _appreciatively_ down at her, her grip in Petra's hand tightening momentarily before she allowed their clasped hands to loosen and drop. "I know," she responded, sounding as though she really did believe in Petra's promise, which the blonde was glad for. No matter what else happens, she wasn't going to let anyone else get hurt because of her. That had happened far too much during the course of her life already.

"I'll see you later, okay?" J.R. said in parting, briefly moving forward to clasp the back of Petra's head as she placed a kiss atop it. Petra _knew_ the smile that followed that gesture could only be considered 'goofy', and yet she couldn't help it. Besides, it made J.R. smile too, apparently finding her doe-eyed crush on the other woman rather endearing.

"You're going to be the death of me, Petra Solano," J.R. muttered under her breath as she rolled her eyes and suppressed a smile.

"Not if you're the death of me first, Jane Ramos."

The corners of J.R.'s mouth upturned further at the mention of her name, and Petra returned her smile in kind. She just hoped, at the end of the day, that they were both being hyperbolic, and that what they were doing truly wouldn't end up being the death of one or both of them.

But with the life Petra had lived, she could never be too sure anymore.

 **\- FIN -**


End file.
